Fully Baked Comedy
By Tom Carson
Illustration by Zohar Lazar
If you haven't sampled the sweet herb of Harold & Kumar, open your mind to the best in modern stoner entertainment.
So here's an idea for a movie you know would pack 'em in at Sundance, collect a bunch of Independent Spirit Awards, and put the rest of us to sleep. The heroes are two idealistic Asian-American post adolescents who feel trapped by ethnic stereotyping and their families' bourgeois expectations, all right? As they struggle for fulfillment, they keep coming up against the facts of life in these United States, from white-collar hypocrisy to Holy Rolling Christianity and celebrity privilege. They're attacked by skinheads and tossed in jail by bigoted cops, where one of the duo is newly inspired by a wise black man's advocacy of nonviolence. Movingly, in spite of everything, they end up achieving their dream.
Funnily enough, though, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle didn't play Sundance at all, much less win prizes for uplift. Why, I wonder: just because the black guy went on to confide that his real consolation was having a large penis? Or the debauched celeb was the former Doogie Howser, M.D., with Neil Patrick Harris having a ball playing himself as a drug-crazed satyr? Maybe it was the scene in which a pair of lissome Princeton coeds squealed their way through a farting contest called "Battle Shits." But I'm guessing that the overriding reason was that our protagonists - stressed Korean-American numbers cruncher Harold (John Cho) and his roommate, reluctant Indian-American med-school candidate Kumar (Kal Penn) - had only one joy in life: weed.
That's why their quest for the sliders they crave is known in some foreign markets as Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies. But in more than one sense, Europeans don't know what they're missing. The target of H & K's odyssey didn't only prove that the movie's very sharp screenwriters, Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, had great taste in fast food. Their fellow Americana expert Chuck Berry probably enjoyed the double meaning of White Castle almost as much as the scene with the coeds. How your Critic could have seen that title on a marquee and not guessed that the most stoopid-sounding comedy of 2004 might be one of the shrewdest beats me.
Instead, like most fans, I caught up with it on DVD, where, just like Office Space, it keeps getting better. Understand, my Sundance-friendly description is no fib. The movie really is about chasing the American dream as your fellow Americans chase you, and Kumar even says so in his climactic speech. It's just that he and Harold are about to hang glide off a cliff after they've fought a raccoon, had their car stolen by Doogie Howser, made an ally out of an escaped zoo cheetah who likes dope as much as they do, performed ER surgery on a friendly gunshot victim, and ogled the Ivy League's secret life. That's aside from their run-in with Freakshow (Christopher Meloni), who takes "What would Jesus do?" so literally that he offers to let them bang his wife while he fixes their car for free. John Waters in his prime couldn't have packed a better Whitman's Sampler of our national dementia's into eighty-eight goofball, raunchy minutes.
Starting with another title that deserves to go down in pop-culture history - Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay - you can't call Hurwitz and Schlossberg's new sequel unambitious. It also isn't as good as the original H & K, partly for the same unavoidable reason Help! wasn't as good as A Hard Day's Night. Just like the Fab Four, the Fried Duo are now familiar quantities, obligated to deliver the goods. But if any movie characters were put on earth to razz the Patriot Act, the Department of Homeland Security, and Dick Cheney, these are the two.
There's a lesson here for earnest movieland liberals. Once Escape from Guantanamo Bay breaks the box-office jinx on films that reference our global war on terror they'll be thinking, Oh man - why didn't we let Tommy Lee Jones go through In the Valley of Elah wearing an illegal smile? Why didn't we talk Reese Witherspoon and Meryl Streep into having a who-cut-the-cheese throwdown midway through Rendition? And why, oh why, didn't we get Neil Patrick Harris to pop up in Lions for Lambs, high as a banshee and tensely muttering, "I'm losing wood"?
To which I can only say, Yeah, why didn't you? What's the matter, don't you love America?
Even if it were a lot more botched than it is, Escape from Guantanamo Bay would say more by definition about The Way We Live Now than Hollywood's high-minded Iraq-war flops. Something Hurwitz and Schlossberg are probably a mite too aware of for their own good is that they're updating a great tradition. Because silly comedies don't need to be responsible, they've long been a gold mine of casual - or pseudo casual - social satire and topical gotchas. Just ask the now sainted Marx Brothers, who got away with a lot more in their scruffy early free-for-alls than after they'd been rebranded as a class act.
The Airplane! guys used to be masters at this. Nobody's ever going to make a drama explaining the 1988 presidential campaign, but why bother? For us oldsters, Michael Dukakis's beaming portrait next to the Hindenburg in flames in Naked Gun 2 1/2 said it all. Even so, I still remember the look of horror that crossed a serious-minded friend's face a couple of years back when I started talking up the genius of Talladega Nights. She'd expected her pal the film crit to praise Culture, and I'd let her down with Will Ferrell. There didn't seem to be much percentage in trying to tell her Talladega Nights captured the bamboozled patriotism of the post-September 11 U.S.A. in ways Oscar winners never touch, right down to Sacha Baron Cohen's "You taste...of America" and Ferrell's dignified "Thank you" after their climactic soul kiss.
The lowly stoner comedy has always had interesting underpinnings, too, starting with the ethnic angle that dates from Cheech & Chong's invention of the genre. Even when the stoners are Anglo, the basic gag amounts to a weird modern spin on old-fashioned race humor. Like the comic minorities white folks used to laugh at in a bygone screen era, they're funny because they can't get with the program. Face it, they're our time's inoffensive equivalent of that offensive Jim Crow caricature, the Happy-Go-Lucky Negro: those childlike perceptions, that puzzlement about responsibility. Sean Penn's Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High is the perfect example.
Hurwitz and Schlossberg's trick is to take advantage of all this at the same time they're turning it inside out. One joke is that the heroes come from two immigrant groups with reps for industrious conformity, not rebellion. Another is that they aren't slackers: They're bright college grads on the fast track to success - à la Borat, the clouds of reefer smoke and the actors' ethnicities barely hide Harold and Kumar's secret identities as a couple of brainy, affluent Jewish kids who aren't too unlike, dare I guess, their creators. That just shows how things have changed, since Jewish characters used to have to be disguised as - or in a pinch, played by - guys to keep Middle America buying tickets. Now they've got to be passed off as dope-happy Koreans and Indians to avoid looking like juvenile Woody Allens.
Unlike Woody, though, Hurwitz and Schlossberg have a lot to learn about directing movies, the job they've promoted themselves to this time out. Believe me, you'll get a new appreciation for how effectively the first H & K's director, Dude, Where's My Car? alum Danny Leiner, punched the jokes home and kept everyone's performances on the same page. We're just lucky the sequel's premise is so dandy that the great bits make us willing to put up with the chaff, something incidentally true of most Marx Brothers movies aside from Duck Soup.
Picking up where they left off, the boys are headed for Amsterdam - the Disneyland of legal weed - to hook up with Harold's love bunny, Maria (Paula Garcès). But their presence on the plane unnerves the other passengers; in a joke swiped from Annie Hall, one biddy visualizes Kumar as bin Laden. Once people mishear "bong" as "bomb," U.S. air marshals pile on out of nowhere. Next stop, Gitmo.
Because Hurwitz and Schlossberg know their audience, the prison's horrors are a frat hazing on steroids, with ridiculously beefy guards demanding blow jobs from the cowering inmates. Luckily, Harold and Kumar soon make their getaway, hitching a ride back Stateside with some chipper Cuban refugees. Then they're off on another gaudy trip through God's favorite country, from a Florida pool party packed with crotch-baring babes (Hurwitz and Schlossberg do know their audience) to a run-in with the Cyclops-eyed spawn of married Alabama siblings. After they've been peed on at a Klan rally and hauled to a whorehouse by Neil Patrick Harris, who's gotten even more demented since last time, they end up in - on guess - Crawford, Texas, where a certain president of the United States is taking his ease.
Little do they know their parents and friends are being dragged in for harassment by Rob Corddry as a Homeland Security bigwig who's sure he's hit the jackpot. But Corddry is one of the movie's mistakes; this Daily Show vet isn't really an actor, and about the last thing his rabid shtick needs is to have every piece of bombast underlined with bad satiric music. His best scene is his spectacular exit - a variation on Slim Pickens's bombs-away farewell in Dr. Strangelove.
A much better newcomer is One Tree Hill hottie Danneel Harris as Vanessa, Kumar's long-lost one and only. She's nothing less than the chick who first turned him on to pot, and the college flashbacks to a studious Kumar and a gothed-out Harold are very funny. Of course, though, Vanessa's now set to marry a blue-blooded fink (Eric Winter) with ties to the Bush administration, and even though I'm never sorry to see ruling-class WASPs played as psychotic blond scumbags, you'll admit it's not the freshest idea. For my money, Bradley Cooper's version in Wedding Crashers pretty much retired the prize.
Yet I also don't care that much about Escape's dim bits and unduly frantic attempts to top the first H & K's signature scenes. No doubt some lefties will complain about the movie letting POTUS off the hook - as indeed it does, though in a way unlikely to make either his base or his 'rents too happy. By now a movie that insouciantly invites us to identify with a stoned George W. Bush is more subversive than one raking him over the coals - and Hurwitz and Schlossberg's most attractive trait is that they're never superior or disdainful about what they're lampooning. From Doogie to the Klan, they revel in it like kids in a candy store, with the same open delight Joel and Ethan Cohen finally copped to in O Brother, Where Art Thou? after looking down their noses at us for years. Call H & S irresponsible if you like, but they're saner than Oliver Stone. They know they live in a country where White Castle almost makes up for Gitmo.
By Cory Doctorow
1. What you say to the police is always important. What you say can be used against you, and it can give the police an excuse to arrest you, especially if you badmouth a police officer.
2. You must show your driver's license and registration when stopped in a car. Otherwise, you don't have to answer any questions if you are detained or arrested, with one important exception. The police may ask for your name if you have been properly detained, and you can be arrested in some states for refusing to give it. If you reasonably fear that your name is incriminating, you can claim the right to remain silent, which may be a defense in case you are arrested anyway.
3. You do not have to consent to any search of yourself, your car or your house. If you DO consent to a search, it can affect your rights later in court. If the police say they have a search warrant, ASK TO SEE IT.
4. Do not interfere with, or obstruct the police, as you can be arrested for it.
By Raha Naddaf
Photograph by Matt Slocum, AP
Sorry fellas, but crying won't always score you points with the ladies. Our fairer-sex reporter explains when it is - and when it's not - okay to turn on the waterworks.
I don't know about you, but if I wre a man and I played professional football, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't start bawling at a postgame press conference. But three months ago (from April 2008), that's exactly what Terrell Owens did. Maybe it was the way his shades dramatically shielded us from full view, the way his mouth quivered in front of every news outlet, or the way he kept repeating "It's unfair!" like a kid whose Xbox privileges had been revoked. Or maybe it was that in a sport that's all about brute strength, this guy was crying because his team lost and everyone was blaming it on his quarterback's girlfriend. Whatever the reason, I found the whole display to be kind of pathetic.
Seeing T.O. do the chin tremble got me thinking about the moments when it's okay - safe, even - for a guy to show a little vulnerability and when it's most definitely not. Crying as you're proposing marriage? Yes. As the family dog is put to sleep? Let me get you a tissue. During the final scene in Rudy? Okay, sure. The tears flow, they're quietly wiped away with the palm of the hand, show's over. But here's the thing: There are times when crying comes at a cost. If you're watering up over something that's pretty manageable, like, ok, losing a string of football games, then those tears smack of instability. Even less charming? Most guys think it's fine - preferable, even - to shed those tears on a woman's shoulder.
I'll never forget the dinner I had with my friend Adam a few years ago. He was struggling through a bad month and desperately wanted to vent about how much he hated his -get your violins out - high-paying finance job. Twenty minutes in, just as the appetizers landed and while he was practically shaking in anger over some workplace injustice, it happened. I watched, stunned, as the tears first appeared, brimming at the lower lid, and then flowed in earnest. Bona fide crying. The kind that's accompanied with that gasping-for-breath sound. You might think that I would have found this raw display of emotion touching. That as the new paradigm for masculinity, he was a beautiful thing to behold, and that I, as a woman, lived for this stuff. Or maybe that's what Adam thought, because I seriously doubt he would have crumbled like this in front of his bros. Instead I just felt weird. First off, we were in public. Second, of all the reasons to demonstrate his emotional range, he picked his job? As a friend of mine later put it, "No one likes a tear-stained whiner." And I didn't, either. All I could do was sit there, compassionately pat his arm, and hope a small kitchen fire would erupt so I could hit the road.
For the sake of full disclosure, I admit that I've cried at work at least six times. I've dramatically sobbed against the tiles in my shower. I've even dabbed my eyes while watching home-makeover shows (those families are so deserving!). But whenever I cry around a guy, he inevitably goes on autopilot, chalking it up to some hormonal shift he'd rather not deal with, and hopes it'll be over soon. In his mind, women cry: That's what they do. Well, men cry, too - as they should, whenever they feel like it. Just don't expect us to swoon, especially if you're a mess when other men would show some self-control. If we're the ones you're weeping to, we won't feel honored. We probably won't care. In fact, we'll be crying tears of joy when you're done.
By Mr. Mafioso
How do you destroy rumors before they rub out your reputation and force you to waive the white flag? First off, for those who understand the notion of viral marketing, gossip helps rumors spread through the office like a virus that infects the body. By extension, it follows that the best way to destroy rumors is by nipping it in the bud before the virus spirals dangerously out of control.
Having said that, it is important to keep in mind that rumors are not necessarily destructive. For the truly skilled businessman, rumors can be harnessed and manipulated in a way that can either divert negative attention or fuel positive energy. As Malcom Gladwell suggests in his paradigmatic book The Tipping Point, trends and attitudes can turn on a dime. In many cases, word of mouth is the catalyst that shifts public opinion, causing new trends or ideas to tip and spread virally throughout social groups, businesses or even society at large.
So that's the theory, but let's shift gears and focus on the vicious office rumor that threatens to eat away at your reputation like an aggressive cancer. What can you do if, for example, some nasty stronzo with the same experience as you applies for the promotion you covet, and then he goes and drops a few bombs in the rumor mill about, say, the fact that you did some time in the joint a while back? What can you do to destroy rumors, even if it happens to be true? Let's take a look.
The first thing you need to gauge is the rumor's stage. If all you're dealing with is some petty office gossip, forget about it. Ignore the rumor and let it fizzle naturally.
Some gossip is generally derogatory (i.e. you failed to meet your deadline because of your alcoholism or because you're diddling the secretary), you might take a step back and look at whether your company suffers from a systematic lack of trust. In offices where gossip runs rampant, it often reflects an organizational failure to communicate. Even if some gossip is truthful, it shouldn't be able to spread virally even if it's the talk of the water cooler for a few days. Any organization that communicates openly also destroys the lifespan of rumors because only a few people care about them. Not only that, but it's easier to eliminate a few sh*t disturbers than it is to deal with a rotten core.
If upper management is completely divorced from the little man, it becomes difficult to weed out nasty little rumors because the little man hasn't been trusted enough to feel integral in the grand scheme of things. After all, we all need to feel like an involved and contributing member of our organization, no matter how small our role.
If, on the other hand, the rumor has already reached its critical mass and seems to be spreading like wildfire, you'd better take it seriously and begin to investigate. Eventually, you'll likely have to rely on a few trusted confidants, but when facing a real doozie of a rumor, it's a good idea to begin by talking to a few people who are blunt and believe the rumor about you is true. Loyal allies may sympathize and they may be willing to defend you, whereas neutral loudmouths have nothing to lose or gain from answering your questions honestly. As a first step, this will help you gauge whether people around the office believe the rumor. Then you can destroy rumors.
Panic-ridden and frantic denials simply make you seem guilty of the rumor you're trying to disprove, and won't help you in learning to destroy rumors. Since most rumors are like a game of broken telephone and start off being true before degenerating into nonsense, you should be able to track down the original idea. And if you're being honest with yourself, you should know where the truth lies and strategize from there.
Also, because most people take rumors with a grain of salt and look for further evidence to support the rumor, an aggressive denial will often function like a confession. And if you don't believe me on this point, just think about the way you've judged all those baseball players who've denied steroid use despite a mountain of allegations against them. In the end, even though a great deal of the evidence is hearsay, when we hear the denial, all we think is liar.
If the rumor proves to be persistent and it begins to impact your rapport with colleagues, you need to put a few trusted delegates to work. At this stage of the game, let's assume that your back is against the wall and you have very few sympathizers who buy your side of the story. In this case, you may have to plant a few positive rumors about yourself.
Now, if you happen to be Eliot Spitzer and have always been a judgmental sonuvabitch, the persuasion game may not work so well. However, if you have a fairly straight past to lean on, your friends can help clear your name by reminding people that they have no reason to exercise harsh judgment against you. Remember, the majority of people will recall their most immediate association, so if you can shoehorn a few good deeds into the mix, it will take some of the heat off the detrimental rumor. If, on the other hand, the tidal wave of momentum against you is too strong, you may have to stand up and address the rumor.
Although the time may come when you are forced to put the rumor out in the open and acknowledge it, it is futile (not to mention pathetic) to start whining about the harm it is doing to your reputation. In other words, don't bother screaming slander and tossing around threats of a lawsuit. After all, if you've tried every avenue to destroy rumors and they're still doggedly pursuing you, chances are pretty good that you've contributed to it in some way; and although you may hold a grudge against the rat who brought it to light, no single person is responsible for the way a rumor infiltrates a social circle.
For these reasons, your last resort if you want to destroy rumors is to be like Bill Clinton and admit some degree of guilt. If you choose this course of action, it is good to remember that despite his impeachment, Bill Clinton has emerged in the collective public mind as a hero and a pretty good president who just happened to diddle the secretary.
Because your girlfriend needs to see it. And you will need an excuse.
Your girlfriend wants to know when you're taking her to see Sex and the City. (We hear it's going to be just like the TV show
! Only fifty-eight minutes longer!) We know. You'd rather not. You have better things to do than watch Kim Cattrall down another Cosmo. Thankfully, there's a lot more going on this summer: Insane concert lineups! Superdelegate smackdowns! Movies starring actual human beings! Get ready for ten superior ways to waste your time.
So we're officially jumping the gun. But can you blame us? NBA commissioner David Stern is probably sacrificing a goat right now, hoping to ensure the matchup. All of this because, after almost a decade of lackluster playoff finales, the Celtics (the black eye of the Boston sports scene for fifteen years) could meet their historic rivals, the Lakers (a team whose superstar was demanding a trade at the start of the season!), in the NBA's biggest series. If they do, you'll have to endure sideline shots of Larry Bird and Magic Johnson eatng popcorn chicken and weather the most obnoxious East Coast-West Coast arguments this side of a Tupac bio-pic. But you'll also get to tell your father that you know what a Celtics-versus-Lakers Finals looks like. Yes, there's a chance these two won't make it, but so what? Savor the taste of the most competitive NBA season we can remember - one in which a twenty-two game winning steak wasn't good enough for first place - and sip lemonade as your summer-rivalry patrol returns to Barack versus Hillary. Which is not nearly as much fun to watch in HD.
NBA Finals • Begins early June
Text by Bryan Thomas
Image by Andrew D. Bernstein/NBAE/Getty Images
Nothing in Darin Strauss's previous big novel, Chang and Eng (historical fiction, conjoined twins), prepares you for the emotional wallop of More Than It Hurts You. At its core, this one is a thriller - one that connects the dots between a young handsome couple on Long Island, the unknown illness that plagues their newborn baby, and the hospital bureaucracy that may pose the greatest risk to all involved. The question everyone wants answered: Who hurt this child? Strauss uses his suburban malcontents to touch on election-year issues - HMOs, race-baiting, gender politics - so look for this one to dominate the conversation like nothing has since The Corrections (even if this is kinda some hot-weather Corrections-lite). Strauss hits you where you live.
More Than It Hurts You • In stores June 19
Text by Mickey Rapkin
Image by Courtesy of Dutton
We wish we could just talk about that new Bat-cycle (badass!), the six sequences shot in IMAX (vertigo-inducing!), the presence in the coast of Aaron Eckhart as Gotham City D.A. Harvey Dent, and Maggie Gyllenhall stepping in for Katie Holmes (upgrade!). Instead, we have to talk about the fact that Heath Ledger's playing an unhinged sociopathic crime lord, and that before the movie's over we will probably have to watch him die. Awk-ward. But there's never been a good Batman movie that wasn't a dark ride. And if Christopher Nolan could make us forget Clooney's Bat-nipples with 2006's Batman Begins, he should be able to overcome some extracinematic tragedy with this one, especially since Ledger's Joker reportedly makes Nicholson's look like Shakes the Clown. Buy a ticket. Watch him do bad things to people. Squirm if necessary. It's what Heath would have wanted.
The Dark Knight • Opens July 18
Text by Alex PappademasImage by Courtesy of Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.
Of all the summer music festivals, Bonnaroo has the most ecstatic crowds. That's probably because nobody goes just once, and the regulars have been saving up for this year's drug stash since they pulled off last year's lot. As always, the 2008 festival has big-name headliners (Metallica, Pearl Jam), dependable noodlers (Phil Lesh, the Allman Brothers), and much-hyped cool kids (Kanye West, M.I.A.). But time the peak of your high to coincide with My Morning Jacket's set. The Jacket's surprising new album, Evil Urges - with nods to everyone form ZZ Top to Sade - is out this month, and there's no better seting to take in their sound than a huge field in Manchester, Tennessee.
Bonnaroo ’08 • July 12–15
Text by Will WelchInage by Courtesy of Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.
Which means there will be more tabloid shots of her.
Image by Olycom/Bauer-Griffin
It's an ancient gladiatorial contest. To the winner goes untold fame and glory. Naught awaits the loser but disgrace and misery. That, and possibly the vice presidential nomination! Coming to Fox this August: The Democratic National Convention. Look: When it comes to summer TV, there will be no surprises. Hell's Kitchen? Big Brother? But for the first time in decades, a political convention promises to be more than just a sop to our nation's producers of red, white, and blue balloons. Hillary and Barack despise each other. Their surrogates have the manners of rabid raccoons in a dumpster. The race is sickeningly close, and it could all come down to a few obscure party officials behind the scenes in Colorado. And reality TV ain't getting better than the rumble in the Rockies.
Democratic National Convention • August 25–28
Text by Dan Fierman
Image by Jason Reed/Reuters/Landov
In 2004, Atlanta-bred rapper Lil' Jon launched an energy drink, Crunk!! (means "crazy drunk"). Now he's expanding his beverage holdings to include a trio of wines. The unlikely proprietor of Little Jonathan Winery speaks.
The label says “Little Jonathan Winery.” Why not Lil Jon?
Little Jonathan is more mature. Classy. With Little Jonathan, you could say, “Oh, that’s Lil Jon’s wine!” Or “Oh, that sounds like a nice wine.”
Are you a big oenophile?
When I was younger, we drank a lot of beer. But as you grow older, you start changing your tastes a little bit. I was drinking a lot of sweet wines, muscatels and ice wines and stuff of that nature. But then I started getting more exposed to some red wines. Red wine chills me out. A nice glass of wine—it caps off the evening well.
Little Jonathan Winery • In select stores now
Text by Kevin Sintumuang
Image by Dale Wilcox/Wireimage/Getty Images
Long esteemed in the art world, Danish-Icelandic artist Olafur Eliasson had his pop Genesis moment - Let there be light! - in 2003, when he replicated the sun at the Tate Modern in London. Two million visitors lazed beneath his assembled lamps and mirrors to marvel and even protest. (One group, using bodies as letters, spelled out "Fuck Bush" on the floor.) Since then, Eliasson, 40, has only built on that following. This summer he's a marquee draw with a trifecta of happenings: a midcareer monograph from Taschen, a survey at New York's MoMA and PS1, and a multimillion-dollar public-art project in which he'll install four enormous waterfalls in the waterways around New York City. He's a transformer of space. With Eliasson's work, you experience rather than merely view. It's like you're 16 again, sky-high for the Dark Side of the Moon laser show, but it's so much better now because you're sober, freshly aware that the scope of what art is unfolds and expands around you.
The Waterfalls Art Project • Mid-July
Text by Howie Kahn
Image by Eva-Lotta Jansson/Corbis
Having done so well with daughter number one, Dina Lohan takes to shaping 14-year-old Ali's music career in a new E! reality series, Living Lohan. If the title is any indication, we're looking at jail time and nipple slips! Dina responds:
Lindsay has had a tough road. Why subject Ali to the same temptations?
I’m not going to close a door where God opened a window for Ali.
Uh, okay. What does Living Lohan mean?
It’s self-explanatory. Living the life, following us. I’m a single mom. Other moms can relate to having to work, to having the same problems I deal with. The producers wanted to set the show in Las Vegas. I didn’t want that. There’s this perception that I’m this crazy party mom, which has never been the truth.
Living Lohan • Premieres May 26 on E!
Text by Mickey Rapkin
Image by Kevin Mazur/Wireimage/Getty Images
Some hard truths have to be shared, and this is one: Tom Cruise turns out to be a seriously funny dude. In August's Tropic Thunder (about an overbudget action movie gone awry), Cruise plays a megalomaniacal studio executive - dressed in a fat suit, covered in body fur, and spouting some creative profanity. (Sarah Silverman would be proud.) In the process, he manages to steal the movie from all stars Ben Stiller and Jack Black. And here we thought the only thing the man could do was unintentional comedy.
Tropic Thunder • Opens August 15
Text by Dan Fierman
Image by Paul Drinkwater/NBCU Photo Bank
Image by Alexei Hay
By Farah Averill
As larger, hairier, more muscular beings than women, men tend to sweat a lot more. While women don't usually have to consider this bodily process in relation to their wardrobe, for many men, sweat is more than an unpleasant sensation - it can actually ruin clothes. And what's the point of shelling out big bucks for a dress shirt you love if it's going to be stained with sweat a month into summer?
Luckily, we're here to help you learn how to sweat-proof your clothes just as temperatures are starting to rise, so you can go ahead and buy that designer shirt you had your eye on. To begin with, sweat-proof your clothes with a good, heavy-duty antiperspirant during the summer months. If you don't like the idea of a commercial antiperspirant, use a rock crystal, available at most health or natural food stores. Rock crystals naturally protect against bacteria and therefore neutralize odor from sweat. It is effective for up to 24 hours and the sticks last forever. You can also apply rock crystal sticks to any part of your body that tends to sweat a lot.
For more tips on how to sweat-proof your clothes and keep yourself looking clean and smelling fresh in the months ahead, read on.
If you sweat more than most people, consider products designed to combat this problem. These products include sweat block pads, which are cloths that have been presoaked in industrial-strength antiperspirant. Once every seven days, apply these pads to your underarms to help prevent sweating. Alternately, or in case the sweat block pads don't completely do the trick, get a hold of some underarm sweat pads. These have a sticky side that adheres to your skin, forming a physical barrier between your sweat and clothing.
In attempting to sweat-proof your clothes, don't wear canvas shoes as these will make your feet sweat like crazy and your shoes smell like you live in a swamp. Instead, wear leather shoes or sandals if your can, as they breathe more and therefore decrease foot sweat and odor. Once you've purchased appropriate footwear, you'll also need to treat them properly. Consider slipping a moisture-absorbing insole into your shoes to further reduce bacteria and odor.
Try to rotate your shoes as well so that you're not wearing the same pair every day. Doing so gives your shoes a chance to air out, as long as you don't bury them in the bottom of your gym bag or closet that is. Although you should avoid wearing the same shoes day after day, do change your socks daily to avoid contracting a fungal infection that thrives in moist, sweaty and bacteria-ridden conditions. Lastly, every now and again, give the inside of your shoes a quick spray with a shoe deodorizer or use an OTC foot powder to help absorb sweat.
If you sweat a lot during the day, soak your shirt in extremely cold water as soon as you get home, and apply a stain remover to the armpits. One trick to really get stains out is to turn your shirt inside out an apply the stain remover to the inside of your shirt. This works better than applying a stain-removing product to the outside of your shirt because you're trying to lift the stain out of the fabric, not rub it further into the fibers. Leave the product on for a few minutes and launder your shirt as soon as possible, or at least rinse it in ice cold water again. If your shirt is white, bleach it every now and again or, alternately, throw in a teaspoon of cream of tartar (available in the baking aisle at your grocery store) with your regular laundry detergent to help keep your whites white.
Although it might sound crazy to be layering when it's hot out, smart layering can actually help sweat-proof your clothes and reduce the not-so-fun effects of sweating. Your best bet is to layer a sports undershirt underneath a T-shirt. When you have no option but to wear a dress shirt, choose a sports undershirt in a solid color that won't be too noticeable. Sport clothes are specifically designed to wick moisture away from your body and they also dry off quickly so you'll never feel like you're soaking in sweat. As well, many sports shirts incorporate mesh, meaning that your skin will breathe better, and they're often treated to be antimicrobial, so it's harder for odor-forming bacteria to build up on your body. When you want to sweat-proof your clothing, try Under Armour - one brand that makes particularly good sports undershirts.
When learning how to sweat-proof your clothes, make sure your clothes have that just-laundered smell all the time by dispersing a few fabric softener sheets throughout your closet and your drawers. Make sure you don't put them directly on your clothes, however, as you wouldn't want any surprise stains on your favorite shirt. While they won't sweat-proof your clothes per se, they will certainly make them smell better, thereby helping to make odor less noticeable when it occurs. Check the sheets about once a month and change any that seem to have lost their potency.
On particularly hot days, go for fabrics like cotton, silk, linen or light wool instead of polyester or other synthetics and blended fabrics. Natural fibers allow your skin to breathe more, meaning you'll sweat less. When the mercury really rises, even if you plan to wear cotton or linen, pick feather-light pieces and choose shirts that are slightly larger than the size you usually wear to encourage air circulation and sweat evaporation. When it comes to colors, white or pale pastels will deflect more of the sun's rays, so you'll feel the heat less in these softer shades.
Sweating is a natural process and it's hard to stop this bodily function entirely. However, if it bothers you or you feel like perfectly decent clothes are being ruined because of it, implementing a few of these tips should go a long way to helping you keep your cool all summer long.
Here are some of my favorite links. Enjoy!
By Lisa DePaulo
Photograph by Danny Wilcox Frazier/Redux
Bill Richardson on loyalty and betrayal, what he really promised the Clintons, and why he fell in love with Obama
WE FLEW TO SANTA FE to find out if Bill Richardson was really Judas, as James Carville so famously dubbed him. Actually, that's not the only reason we went. We wanted to talk about all sorts of things (NAFTA, even!) with the current governor of New Mexico and former presidential candidate. But it became pretty clear what Richardson really wanted to talk about: the Clintons. Specifically, whether he'd betrayed them, who was more loyal, and on and on. And on. The man had a message, and he wanted to put it out there. We interviewed him on the afternoon of Thursday, April 10, in his office at the state capital. He was serious, low-key, a little edgy, not the Mr. Happy Backslapper that Americans had come to know and love. Was it the beard - or the implosion of his decades-long friendship with Bill Clinton?
love all your tchotchkes. What a great office.
Oh, go ahead. Look around.
You collect pens?
Yeah, I do. I'm a pen collector.
They're beautiful. What's this? [It's a boxing glove, signed.]
Oh, that's from Oscar De La Hoya. I like boxing.
And I see you have a picture with Bill Clinton.
Yeah, I still do. [laughs nervously] You know, I had all my—If you go to the governor's residence, we have a bunch of pictures with me and my wife and Bill. And we're not taking them down. You know, he's a part of my life. But he's a little pissed off.
The Obama endorsement had to be kind of painful.
Yeah. I did it because it was the right thing to do for the country, really. It is painful. But it's done.
We'll get into all the reasons why you did that, but first I want to ask you: How weird is it to not be running anymore?
Well, it's, um… I miss it. It was an incredible opportunity to test your ideas. You learn a lot about yourself, good and bad. You learn about the country. You feel—You know, I ended up feeling very good about the country. I miss it.
What don't you miss about it?
The fund-raising. You know, getting on the phone an hour a day and calling people. I just hated that. I hated it. But I did it. And we ended up raising $22 million. Incredible. Nothing like the phenomenon, Obama-and-Clinton, but…
If you were to say the one thing that made it impossible to go on—
Money. Yeah. We ran out. You need money. You need TV ads. And it started drying up after we came in fourth in Iowa.
When you drop out of a race, is there a big emotional letdown? I mean, it must be very strange.
For me, uh, it was, yeah. It was a letdown. But it was—I immediately moved into the next phase of my life. I mean, I, as a human being, I think I'm fairly secure. You know, it didn't work out. I miss it, but I love what I'm doing as a governor. I'm gonna resume my international missions. I had a feeling, even though I miss it, of…liberation? I grew a beard.
I see. You said it was—what was it? A decompression?
Yeah. It was a time of decompression, liberation. I remember every morning listening to my aides tell me to comb my hair and tuck in my shirt and get my makeup on. And I said, you know, "I'm gonna do what I feel like."
Does your wife like the beard?
No. No. Most people don't like it. I mean, we get e-mails—
Why?
I think it's a perception that politicians who wear beards are hiding something.
I've heard and read everything you've said about why Obama. But why then? There must have been something that put you over, that made you pull the trigger.
It was an accumulation of talks that I had with him.
With Obama?
Yeah. When he was calling me to urge me to endorse him. It was a two-month period. It was almost every third day he'd call. Himself, on the phone. And we got to know each other, even though I'd started to get to know him during the campaign and debates. We seemed, in the debates, to connect with each other—probably because we in many cases sat next to each other. We would, you know, trade glances. Like, if some other candidate was making an outrageous statement. I like to point out once that I was asked a question in one debate, and I wasn't listening, and I turned to Obama, and he went like that [cups hand to mouth], and he said [in a whisper], "Katrina. Katrina." So he could have thrown me under the bus, but…that was nice! I mean, most politicians would say, "Well, I'm not gonna tell you." I liked the fact, at the debates, that he was very much like me, in that I always feel it's important to shake everybody's hand no matter who they are. I think you gotta show respect to people, whether they're a custodian or… He did the same. And then, during the course of the phone calls, I found him to be very genuine. And if I can put my finger on it, this is what it is: I think there's something very good about Obama. Something around his ability to bring people together and to excite people.
Okay, you're having these conversations. He clearly had to know what a difficult thing this would be for you, given your history with Hillary and Bill. Did he acknowledge that? Would he bring that up?
Yeah, yeah, oh yeah. Every time. He says, "Hey man, I know this is tough for you. I understand loyalty." But you know what he said that I liked? He said, "But this is about the country. This is about the future."
When Hillary was calling, was she saying things like that?
No. Oh, no. Hillary and Bill were always very proper and… The discussions were more tactical. You know, "If you endorse us now, maybe we win Texas, because you're Hispanic."
I see.
And the approaches were different. With Obama, he called himself. Never "Okay, Governor, Senator Obama on the line."
Like a Hollywood agent?
Yeah. I'd pick up the cell, and he'd say, "Hey, Guv, this is O-ba-ma."
That's how he said it?
Yeah. "O-ba-ma calling." We connected well.
When you speak of these phone conversations, a few things strike me. They sound like a male-bonding kind of thing. Hillary probably couldn't have done that, right? I mean, a woman running for president probably couldn't call you up and say, "Hey, man, it's Clinton." Do you agree with that? And do you think that's fair?
Yes, it's bonding. But I joke this way with many of my friends and acquaintances, both men and women. It has nothing to do with gender. It's my sense of humor.
But you liked him more?
Yeah. Well, I knew Senator Clinton, but you know, my relationship was always with Bill. And I think it's very hard to transfer a loyalty. And I like to tell people, "I ran against Hillary, when I was a candidate myself. So I wanted somebody else. Me."
Do you remember the last conversation you had with Obama, when you hung up the phone and thought, That's it, I'm doin' it!
Yeah. It, um… I said to him, "Well, listen, I'm moving your way. I'm moving your way." And he says, "Hey, you know, that would be huge, if you endorsed me." And I said, "You know, I don't think endorsements mean much." And he says, "Yeah, it would. Yours would." And he said something to the effect, "You and me," he said, "we really can change this country." And he said, "Both of us represent something different. Because of our backgrounds. And our histories."
That got to you.
And he said, "By the way, do you mind if I keep calling you?" He'd always say that. "No, no, I don't mind. You know I don't mind. We're in this business of politics. But I don't think my endorsement will mean anything." He says, "Yeah, it would."
You mentioned that, with Hillary, it would often be the surrogates calling. Like who?
Well, there were—I don't like to get into names, but it was—I mean, yeah, it was ex-cabinet members, ex-ambassadors, and ex-funders that are funders that help her and me. It was prominent Hispanics. It was prominent—I mean, I like to contrast: With Obama, it was laserlike focus by himself. With the Clintons, it was she'd call, he'd call, and a whole bunch of surrogates would call. I'd average about eight calls a day from Clinton types, urging me to endorse. So I felt there was a little campaign going on. With Obama, it was just him.
Before you made the decision, were there people whose advice you were asking?
Well, my immediate staff. People that I relied on in my campaign—my campaign manager, my TV [person], they were all for Obama. But they knew how tough it was for me to do that. My wife wanted me to stay neutral.
Really?
And I listen to her a lot. And that was a factor.
Would you do it any differently? Was there something the other side did to piss you off?
No.
Was there anything more to it?
Well, a couple of times they pissed me off, yeah. I mean, there were a couple of surrogates that said, "You owe him" and "You're being dishonorable by not endorsing." I said, "Well, how do you figure that?" I served him well. I was somebody before I was in the cabinet; I was rescuing hostages and bringing peace before. He gave me two great opportunities. I was loyal to him during Lewinsky. You know, when he needed friends, I was there. I've always been there for him. I helped him get elected in '92. I was elected governor without him. You know, I'm Bill Richardson.
It seems like you're saying there were loyalty tests, which you'd passed before, in your career with Bill Clinton. Would that be accurate?
Yeah. I was always there for him. He was there for me, too. But you don't transfer loyalty to another person. This is about loyalty to the country. The public wanted change.
I assume that if Hillary got the nomination, you would still—
Oh, yeah, I'd support her. But the friendship has been…frayed.
When was the last time you saw Bill? Watching the Super Bowl on your couch?
Yeah. That I saw him? Yeah.
And how did you part?
I think on very good terms. But I'd made it very clear that I wasn't gonna endorse, and his people wanted that. I said, "No, you know, I'm not ready yet, but he's my friend." Um, he wanted to get away, too, from his campaign. So he wanted to spend time with a friend.
So what did you do?
We just watched the game. As two fans. And there was a, you know, a couple times when we talked politics. And he put her on the phone.
And what was good-bye like?
It was very friendly.
Did he ask you for—
Yeah, he said, you know, "We need you." I said, "Well, I'm not there yet. I just—I'm trying to deal with this."
Do you think there's anything you owe him?
Yeah. I mean, I owe him. He gave me two wonderful appointments. U.N. ambassador. Secretary of energy. But he was paid back. And I think the country was paid back. Because I served well. And I was loyal to him as a person, just as he was loyal to me. And I think there's a—When you make a decision like who you endorse, the loyalty is to the country, not to the individual, not to the past.
Now, I don't want to get too much more into this. I want to move on. But it was reported that Bill said you told him five times to his face that you weren't going to endorse Obama.
I don't know where he gets that. I only saw him once, first of all. But there was a point, after he left—after the Super Bowl—that I was on the verge of endorsing Hillary. Because of his persuasive powers. I was on the verge. I was about to. But I said, "I'm not there yet."
You said that?
Yeah. "I'm not there yet. Please."
But you never said—
No, I never said, "I'm gonna endorse Hillary." No. Absolutely no.
The other thing that's been said, and I want to know: Did you or Hillary, in any conversation, ever say that Obama can't win?
That's a private conversation I can't talk about.
Okay. But you've described that last call to Hillary as both "heated" and "gracious." Can it be both?
Well, it was heated, and she was very gracious, but she was—you know, she was unhappy.
That had to be hard.
It was. I dreaded making that call. It was tough for me.
Was it one of those things where you walked around and said, "Ugh, five more minutes." How hard was it?
Uh, no. I, uh—we wanted to make it so that it wouldn't leak. My people said, "Look, something like this happens, it gets out." So I placed the call about 6 p.m. and was not able to reach her till 9. She called me back.
And did you get right to it? Or did you—
I said, "Senator, you know, I just wanted you to know I'm gonna endorse Senator Obama. And this is painful. But here are my reasons." And I, you know, I went back and forth. And she was gracious and proper, but she got a little heated.
Over anything specific?
I don't want to get into that.
Which was harder? Your call to her or your call to Bill?
Oh, I never talked to him. I placed a call to him, and there was no answer. But I felt the call was to her. She's the candidate.
Because he's made comments that you didn't even call him—
I called her. She's the candidate. That was the protocol.
You know him probably better than a lot of people. What is it? Is he just emotional about this now?
Well…I think he feels very strongly about her campaign. And he's invested a lot himself. So I understand why he's so emotionally involved. Um… But I—I—I've been very disappointed by their reaction. I mean, I just—you know, it's just… [heavy breath]
Put yourself in the Clintons' shoes for a minute. Can you understand why they might be livid?
I can certainly understand why they might be disappointed.
If you ran into them today, what would you say?
I'd say hello.
Did you ever feel they were disloyal to you?
The Clintons? No. But I remember in— Well, it wasn't disloyalty, but in 1992, I was supposed to be named, according to his staff, secretary of the interior. And in a last-minute switch, I wasn't. So I was unhappy then. And this is after I'd worked very hard to get him elected in '92.
Who was—
Bruce Babbitt got the job.… That wasn't disloyalty. He just—I wasn't happy about that. But it was the best thing that happened to me.
Earlier on, you mentioned Monica Lewinsky. You were asked to find her a job. Did you do that out of loyalty? Would you do it again today?
Well, see, at the time, I was responding to the chief of staff, John Podesta, who said, "There's this young woman we'd like you to interview. And she's got friends here in the White House, and I can't remember her name." This is Podesta. I've testified to that. And so I interviewed her, and you know, I offered her the job, but she didn't take it. [laughs] Thankfully.
Okay, so then Carville calls you Judas.
You know, I've been through this before. It didn't bother me. But it bothered my mother, who's 94 and lives in Mexico. Very Catholic. She was very upset by that, because, you know, Judas…
Yeah.
To a Catholic. And she… You know, it's interesting how mothers are. She was upset at—She thought Clinton had said it. And she said, "How could he say that, after all you've done for him?" You know how moms are. They take their sides.
It does bring up this notion of friendship in politics. When is it—how does it go from colleagues to friendship? I assume there are many people you consider friends that are politicians.…
I think there is friendship in politics. You know, you have shared experiences. But sometimes friendships and political interests collide. That's the nature of politics. But I think it's important that you— I think loyalty is important. Honoring your word is important. Being honest is important. I felt that by my showing my support for Obama, I was being loyal to the country. I think he's the best candidate.
Do you miss Bill?
Bill Clinton? Well, you know, here's another factor. We have been friends. But you know, were we close friends? I wouldn't say so. I hadn't seen him—prior to debates, I hadn't seen him for like three, four years. I mean, we're friends. Obviously, the friendship has been frayed. But it's not as if, like… See, one of the problems with the Clintons is they have this sense of entitlement, that if you work for them that you're automatically part of their family. There are larger issues, broader issues that affect the country. So I think the fact that the endorsement had such a political impact is why they're mad.
When you look back, how do you rate Clinton's presidency?
As a very strong, good presidency. And I was very proud to be part of it.
I was trying to find if there was ever a time where you really hit Obama. And really the only thing was what you said about his position on Iraq—that it was "inadequate."
Yeah.
Has your opinion changed?
On policy? [thinks] You know, I, uh, we disagree very little.
But right now, his position on Iraq is consistent with yours?
Well, no. I still believe that we need to set a timetable for withdrawal.
Total withdrawal?
Total withdrawal. Of all forces. All American troops. And he still, I think, is of the view that over fifteen months you leave some behind. So there's mild disagreement over that.
Tell me about your first meeting with Obama. Do you remember what your impression was?
Let me see. The first time I met him… [thinks] The first time I met him was at the Democratic convention in 2004. I was backstage, and he came up with his wife. Uh, he was very gracious, and I remember I noticed—and I thought at the moment—This guy's the new phenom. I found him to be—he struck me as being very, uh, very gracious and very polite, almost too nice to be a politician. He introduced me to his wife.
What's his biggest weakness? What's the one thing you wish—
You know, I'm not trying to— But right now I see no weakness in the guy. I think this is why he's so special. His judgment, his temperament.
And what do you make of this attempt to cast him as arrogant or—
Not at all. That is so wrong. Oh, that is so wrong. Arrogant?
Elitist is the other word being thrown around.
No. Here's a guy that—I mean, we talk basketball, we've talked sports, we joke with each other. And I'm not a close friend. Not at all. I mean, here— One thing I remember. Right before we went onto the stage for a debate, we were in our dressing rooms. We came out and said hello. And there was a number of police, custodians, volunteers that were there, as we headed towards the stage. And instead of, like, the entourage leading the candidate, he went and shook hands with every person there. Said, "Thank you…thank you for your help…thank you for your help…thank you for your help." And there was one lady that was cleaning in the back. And I remember he waved at her. And then he walked over there. And it was more than just "I want every vote." It was: "You're worth something."
What do you make of Gore right now? Why isn't he making his wishes known?
Well, I think, you know, Gore is, rightfully, exercising the potential role of senior statesman. As somebody that might broker towards the end a potential end to the bloodletting. So I think he is conscious that he has the stuff to do that. And you know, I don't fault him for not endorsing. I think he probably, you know, is somebody that, uh… I don't know if he's torn. I know Gore pretty well.
Do you talk a lot?
Not a lot, but we talk maybe once every two months or so. He called me after I got out of the race.
So you're saying you think he's torn, or you don't think he's torn?
Um, I don't know if he's torn. I don't know if he's torn.
Because, I mean, he's made no secret of the fact that he didn't have the greatest relationship at the end with the Clintons.
Yeah. Yeah. It got frayed, too. You're right, you're right.
What did you think of the Bosnian-sniper-fire thing?
I thought it was an innocent mistake on her part. I think that was innocent, I really do. Having been through those before, I don't think she was trying to convey that she's been in dangerous situations. I think she honestly felt that on one of those trips, to that region, that there were some security issues.
Immigration is so important to you. What are the candidates not getting about it? What's wrong with the debate?
Well, I think both Barack and Hillary, and McCain, have good positions on immigration. Where I disagree with all three on immigration is all three have voted for a wall between Mexico and the United States. I think that wall's a big mistake. However, I believe all three would deal with immigration more realistically than this administration has or this Congress has. Where you have a combination of increased border security but not a wall. A legalization program. A stronger relationship with Mexico. And penalties for those that knowingly hire illegal workers. I think you have to have that realistic position, where you combine improving border security, keeping those from coming in, but also dealing realistically with the 12 million that are here. And I think that the debate, if anything, has demonized immigrants, and I think it's wrong.
When you look at NAFTA, and Hillary saying she was really opposing it way back when—do you believe that? And do you think it's realistic that both would like to overturn it or amend it or change it?
With NAFTA, the best you can do… First, with NAFTA, you can't change it, because it's been approved by legislatures in Canada, Mexico, and the United States. It's a trade treaty. What you can do is, there were side agreements—on improving the environment, on worker safety and job security—that you can strengthen, and should be strengthened. But you can't just unilaterally abrogate a trade deal. I think NAFTA has had its good moments and its bad moments.
But do you believe that Hillary is anti-trade agreement now?
You know, I do remember, when I was in the Congress—I was one of the Democratic whips—that I heard some buzz—I never heard it from her—that she didn't like the fact that NAFTA was coming up, and she felt that the White House should spend more time on health care. I did hear that, but I never heard her say that. I certainly never heard her say that she was opposed to it.
How do you think Obama would be received by world leaders?
When he takes the oath of office and an Arab in a souk in Egypt sees that image, along with a Nigerian in a market in Lagos, that singular moment will do more to transform American foreign policy in a most healthy way than anything else. The fact that somebody with his ethnicity and diversity and international background is sworn in, it's gonna be a huge signal to the world that America is changing.
Did that play into your decision?
Absolutely. And the fact that, you know, he's adopted my career… Not that, not because of me. He's adopted my foreign-policy credo, which is "You talk to the bad guys. You negotiate your differences with North Korea and Iran and Syria and Sudan instead of isolating them."
What non-Democratic politician do you most admire?
You mean like Republican or independent? Now?
Yes.
Well, I, uh…I admire Chuck Hagel. The fact that he's so independent. I admire Mike Bloomberg, because he, you know, he's a fixer. He's a doer. He's nonideological. I admire… [long pause] You know, I like John McCain, because I know him. We've worked together on Indian issues. We always are at the same boxing matches, you know [laughs], and he and I will go into the dressing rooms of the fighters before the fight, you know, with a little help from the promoters. Um, we both, you know, came into Congress the same year. And again, I'm not a close friend, but I've always admired his independence. And I've warned—I've said, you know, "Don't take this guy for granted." You know, he's gonna touch constituencies in the environmental field, with Hispanics, with Native Americans. I like him. Do I admire him? I think Barack will be a much better president. But you know, his service to the country—McCain's—has been very valuable.
What do you think of how Condi Rice has handled foreign policy?
I think she had incredible potential to be a real mediator in the fight between the moderates and the conservatives in the Bush administration…and she didn't exercise her strengths. She's had some success, like North Korea, but on the whole she could have done so much more to make Bush a moderate president, a moderate internationalist. Instead, he's gonna go down in history as a weak foreign-policy president.
Will she leave with a notable accomplishment to speak of?
Well, she— Her legacy is affected that she is an African-American intellectual who served eight years but could have done so much more. Unfulfilled potential.
So if Barack Obama were to win the nomination and he offered you the vice presidency…
What would I do? Well, I wouldn't preclude anything. [laughs] You know, I love my job.
Okay, but—
Well, you can't, you know, you can't, uh, turn your back on something like that. But I didn't endorse him because of that.
Or secretary of state.
You can't turn your back on something like that.
One last thing. Do you see that your beard is falling onto your shirt?
Well, today, because I had a beard trim, 'cause I did a TV ad, a PSA… You thought it was falling out? [laughs] What's he, sick or something? Who was it that their hair was falling and they were sick? Who was that? I'm thinking of Roger Maris—remember? Did you see the HBO movie? 61? Well, you're too young, but Maris was trying to hit the sixty-one home runs. He was so nervous because the press was badgering him, his hair had fallen, and he had hair all over him.
Well, I'm glad it's just a trim.
Take care.